LEBRON RETIRES After Stubbing Finger at Low Speed 💀

"I'm taking my talents home!" (sob)

May 14, 2024

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Lebron, one of the best NBA players these past two decades, announced in LA yesterday that he realized he doesn’t have what it takes to be a professional athlete anymore and will be retiring immediately. This is what happened at his retirement press conference.

Lebron stated, “It may seem as a surprise but my career is over. I’m done. My athleticism has left me. Last night was a huge revelation.

I was just trying to open a cabinet and jammed my finger. Not only did I jam it, but I jammed it REALLY hard. I wasn’t even moving fast! It was crazy! It was at that moment I came to doubt my ability to do what it takes in a professional sports league. If I can’t open a simple cabinet, how am I supposed to make three pointers or windmill dunks? I’M LEBRON JAMES!!! It wasn’t like I was moving fast or anything. I just misjudged the distance.”

Reporter Ron D Ball piped in, “Lebron, everyone does it! It’s ok. Just relax!”

“No no no… I’M LEBRON JAMES! DON’T YOU GET IT!!! I NEVER… OW!!! I just bit my tongue. Anyways, as I was saying… OW!!! I DID IT AGAIN!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

Lebron raced out of the room like a madman! Off in the distance reporters heard more screaming. “AAAAAAAAAAH!!! I JUST STUBBED MY TOE!!!”

Last we heard fans were sending him Get Well cards. We also heard he received a papercut from them. We hope he survives retirement.

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