Jiazzmynne Mattdysonne Smith Promoted To CEO at Age of 23

"We also considered Macksamileon Su’ullyvann Reagan, Raeygunn xXX1337n00b5l@y3rXXx Sullivan..."

Apr 08, 2025

Mountain View, CA — Thanks to the creative spelling of her name, Jiazzmynne Mattdysonne Smith has now been promoted to CEO by tech giant Bigg Brane AI at the very young age of 23. We asked Chairman of the Bored, Tom Jones what made her such an obvious candidate:

Thalia: So what was it about Jiazzmynne that made you so comfortable picking her as CEO? She is very young.

Tom: Honestly, anyone whose parents are THAT creative with their child’s name is guaranteed to succeed. It reminds me when I first heard T-Pain and Yung Joc release their Billboard No. 1 hit “Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’)” (Sigh…) Her parents must have studied under Yung Joc or one his contemporaries from the 2000’s otherwise I don’t know how this type of genius could be possible. I had to promote her to CEO.

a person with a crown — Thinking outside the box! (Unsplash/ Rubina Zberg)

Thalia: Wow! Was anyone else considered for the position?

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Tom: Yes! We have a lot of smart rising stars at Bigg Brane AI! We also considered Macksamileon Su’ullyvann Reagan, Raeygunn xXX1337n00b5l@y3rXXx Sullivan, Sanyck Dee Hejhogg Madison, and Mikeill Shaqkwuille ohKNEEL Jordan.

Thalia: That’s so amazing! Such a promising group of rising stars!

Tom: I know! I didn’t even need to read their resumes!

Thalia: What will be Jiazzmynne’s first actions as CEO?

Tom: She is going to have to solve the high turnover rate within HR and IT. Those departments have just been a constant revolving door. After candidates are hired, we hand them the company directory and they quit on the spot. It’s very puzzling!

Thalia: That is strange!

Tom: Yeah, it’s getting bad. Tax season is coming up and the employee name fields in our databases are all blank!

Thalia: How odd. Well good thing Jiazzmynne is so creative. I bet she will find a solution.

Tom: I’m sure she will!

There you go! Wunderkind Jiazzmynne has her work cut out for her! I’m sure she’s happy to have parents who think so much about their child’s future.

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