Assassins Are Angry At This Company For Taking Their Poison Drinks Away! 🤮
It's generally not good to make them angry
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Due to an apple juice recall assassins and contenders for the crown (ahem, Harry and Megan) now have to make their poisoned drinks the old fashioned way. Martinelli’s Apple Juice was sold at Whole Foods and Target for $18 and found to have high levels of arsenic. Arsenic made a killing back in the Renaissance with royalty when you didn’t want that pesky political rival in your way.
PepsiCo also issued a recall of its Schweppes Zero Sugar Ginger Ale last week after the brand found it was “Surprise!” full of sugar.
The American Assassins Association had been recommending Martinelli’s Apple Juice for rush jobs and Schweppes Zero Sugar Ginger Ale for longer more drawn out jobs. As of now, no deaths have been reported, possibly because dead people tend to have very poor communication skills.
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I take my poison on the cheap. Why go for its diluted form when its cheaper to go straight at the source. Now here I am snorting sugar 😂. Great piece, I love your sarcasm.
This is why I only buy my poison drinks from Costco