9 Tips to Avoid Articles About Substack 🧐

"I call it cruel irony Kronk, just like my dependance on you." -Izma

May 17, 2024

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Many people have been complaining that there are too many articles giving advice about Substack on Substack. Here are nine helpful ways to avoid those annoying articles.

Don’t Read This Article - Don’t you get the irony! You fell for one of the classic blunders! This and getting involved in a land war in Asia!
Touch Grass - How do you do that? Look it up on YouTube or read a Substack article about brave explorers who ventured outside their own home! Do your own research though. People have died outside.
Spend Time at Work - Need some time without boring repetition? Go to work! That will change things up. Hope you filed your TPS reports this time.
Become The Minimalist Caveman - Avoid all technology and have fun like your ancestors, the cavemen. Write on papyrus. Build using tools you have fashioned yourself. Read on your tablet using your neighbor’s wifi. (Well maybe not that.) Substack will not be able to find you then. At least until you invite Steve over and he doesn’t stop talking about the cool satire Substack he found. Come on Steve!
Go on a Date - Your date probably won’t talk about Substack, (few are that cool,) especially if you date her the old fashioned way like The Minimalist Caveman. It’s very simple, grab a club. Not a dance club! A big hunk of wood club. Find an unsuspecting gal you’ve had your eye on and concuss her. Not completely! Just enough to where she might accidentally agree to date you. Then you drag her off by the hair to a dinner you have prepared. Serve her Brontosaurus. Ladies love Brontosaurus. How do you think Fred Flintstone got Wilma? Women, you are probably worried about this but don’t! This will involve no effort on your part… other than when you inevitably try to escape.
Go on other Social Media - YouTube, Twitter, Medium and especially LinkedIn NEVER are self referential. Nowhere will you find articles about how to Beat the Algo, Go Trending or Become an Influencer. Phew!
Get a Hobby - A hobby is something you do when you are bored. So first get really bored. Stare at a wall for an hour. Then pretty much anything seems fun after that. You might end up gardening, knitting, drawing, writing satire or heck, printing out my articles and reading them! Crazier things have happened!
Exercise - Find a gym and let off some steam! Go running on a treadmill and think about putting one step in front of another. Stack up those miles. Stack? SUBSTACK!!! Never mind. Go lift weights. It’s you against the iron. Remember when you’re done to Substack the weights. AHHHH! SUBSTACK AGAIN!!! IT’S EVERYWHERE!!!
Give Up and Go on Substack Again - Ha! We knew you’d come back!