Thalia's God Tier News

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May 2025

Eurovision is Paving the Way for Real Life Hunger Games
"These are the only things separating Europeans from a dystopian nightmare."
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
1
New Narnia Movie Has Edmund BETRAY HIS FAMILY For a Klondike Bar? 🤨
“I would betray my family to NOT eat a Turkish delight.”
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
2
Young Women are Being MISTAKEN AS HOMELESS AT AIRPORTS! ✈️
"She made a feral snarl and tried to bite my hand!"
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
6
Jon Scheyer leaves coaching Duke TO BE THE CEO OF APPLE??? 💡
"Opponents have caught up to them in terms of turtlenecks, glasses, and jeans."
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
9

April 2025

Social stars' growth halts after POSTING ABOUT POLITICS Last 7 Months??? 🤡
"50% of our audience just disappeared overnight."
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
5
Cadbury's GMO Easter Bunny produces 5X MORE CHOCOLATE EGGS!!! 😱
"Gone is the wimpy lil Easter Bunny."
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
3
NCAA Fires Writing Staff After Poor March Madness TV Ratings
"Two common TV mistakes: Duke Ex Machina and Gratuitous Fouls"
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
 and 
👟Mike Schuster👟
1
October Rewind Drat, Drat and Double Drat
Dastardly and Muttley - This week, the Dynamic Duo of Dastardly Deeds
Published on Animated • 
Jiazzmynne Mattdysonne Smith Promoted To CEO at Age of 23
"We also considered Macksamileon Su’ullyvann Reagan, Raeygunn xXX1337n00b5l@y3rXXx Sullivan..."
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
12
"I always dreamed of getting divorced." -Celebrity Living Her Dream 🍷
"I can’t imagine any scenario that would be better than this."
 • 
⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡
© 2025 Mike Schuster
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